There's been a lot of movies and literature with brooding male protagonists and their effervescent dream girls. But what about us attracted to men? Don't we get the chance to brood and be moody and have a man sweep us off our feet and change our worldview and give us some joie de vivre? Unfortunately, this doesn't happen quite often. And when it does it comes in fantastical Doctor Who-like fashion, and a mad man with crazy hair and his quirky habits makes his landing in your world and takes you on crazy adventures and takes you out of your ordinary life and makes you realize you are extraordinary (The Doctor is my favorite example of a Manic Pixie Dream Boy). But again, unfortunately, there are no 945 year old Time Lords from Gallifrey with a wonky knack for finding danger and saving things to be found. However, those energetic, quirky fellows seemingly lost in themselves and everything around them are out there. I would know...I've been with one.
Now, I use the term "been with" really loosely...it was really a momentary dalliance with a cute guy that I had a yearlong crush on and had the opportunity to have physical contact with. Like I said in my introductory blog post, no manic pixie dream girl is made exactly alike, so in the same respect, no manic pixie dream boy is going to fall exactly into the Doctor scheme of things (and let's face it...what man can live up to the Doctor?). He was sunshine and smiles, but was lost in a cloud of his own thoughts...he lit up my summer when I first met him a year ago. And then with the end of summer came the end of our interaction, and I was left to sift through my manic love life of what I've described as a "cyclical hodgepodge of men"...but then in the midst of it, he contacted me. Not only did he contact me, we talked a lot, waxing philosophical, catching up...I was smiling and laughing and was absolutely delighted with the distraction from the stress of school and other things going on at the time. And he continued to do that...just pop in via the Internet and make me smile. And then the opportunity came...
The opportunity came when I could actually see him, his frame lean but stocked, and face handsome but exaggeratedly so with a smile too big for it. It was my last week in town, and I was really adamant about seeing him...based on conversation, there seemed to be something there...and I had to see. The excitement I had driving to his house definitely died down hours later when I left. Sure, it was fun. Sure, I got some action. But I was left with the realization that it wouldn't work out like I wanted to...he's a great guy...he's cute...he makes me laugh...he waxes philosophically and on abstract things...he's artistic...yet physically active...but he's just lost in himself...and I feel like he wouldn't be very dependable...and he seemed so distant from me...even in the throes of passion (lol, throes...right)...and I felt as though I would be left in a situation where I wanted someone more than they wanted me...again. So when the time came for me to leave, I just kissed him goodbye and strutted out...and drove away. Sure, I left disappointed, but it's not a bad thing...for all I know, he could pop up again all bright and shiny, and I'll fall for his goofy smile all over again. As I said before, my love life is a "cyclical" thing. We'll just have to see.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
A bird returns to the nest only to find a cage...
So what does this bird do in his gilded cage?
So I went away for college...away from Houston...away from my family and their prejudices and the baggage that came with dealing with those things...and in all honesty, I could not have been happier. Sure, there's been a lot of ups and downs, but I can say, overall, that in New Orleans I am a much happier individual...I feel more free and capable of expressing myself in non-repressive manner...I have people who love me and don't judge me for the things that I actually take pride in (my sexuality, gender, style, etc.)...and it's a wonderful feeling. Spending the first month of summer in New Orleans was honestly one of the best times of my life...I was surrounded by wonderful people and had some great experiences that just made me feel utterly...at home. But unfortunately that time had to end, and I had to return to Houston to make the necessary round of visiting the family I left behind...and coming back to it is just so strange.
I feel like a really dull and trapped version of myself. I feel like I am utterly contained by where I am. Sure, I have a car here and can go places but that still is under the approval and awareness of the parentals, since I am living with them. Now being back in this house made me realize a lot of things...I am still really dependent on my family...I don't like to admit that I am...but I am...most of my means of living still comes from them, even when I'm in New Orleans...but it's even moreso coming back here...it's like I'm that bored, jaded, confused kid that I was in high school...don't particularly enjoy that feeling...and I just don't like how I feel like I'm not me in this house. But I've tried to make compromise while I'm here without utterly destroying my already wavering psyche.
I spend a lot of time wandering...just wandering freely...finding new things...new people...making old things new...and I feel very limited here, because I have a comfort level in this house and in this city and challenging it...makes me anxious and...things are already weird here for me as is...I don't want to fuck up more what is already essentially fucked up.
But I've been trying to make the most of what I have. For the past two weeks, I've been working as a volunteer for this non-profit called The River Performing and Visual Arts Center, which is essentially an organization that provides affordable arts programs for kids, especially kids with disabilities. I started doing this four years ago as a mandatory requirement for my high school graduation, but I absolutely fell in love with the staff and the kids and the program...so I kept going back...and it really has kept me sane...because otherwise I would just be stuck at home being miserable and counting down the days till I go back to New Orleans (which I do anyways)...but I didn't want to do just that...so I actively sought out the opportunity to work there again, and they gave me it...and this next week will be the last week for their summer programs...so I'm sad...but it was a great experience as it always is, and I'm happy that I got the chance to do it.
Also, retail therapy is a wonderful thing...it's what gets me through my bored days. I also eat a lot. Which was expected when I came back to Houston...because those are the only things I really enjoy doing...anywhere, haha.
So all in all, I am making the best of what I can during the rest of my time in Houston, till I am free from the cage and jet back to New Orleans...we'll see what happens till then c:
So I went away for college...away from Houston...away from my family and their prejudices and the baggage that came with dealing with those things...and in all honesty, I could not have been happier. Sure, there's been a lot of ups and downs, but I can say, overall, that in New Orleans I am a much happier individual...I feel more free and capable of expressing myself in non-repressive manner...I have people who love me and don't judge me for the things that I actually take pride in (my sexuality, gender, style, etc.)...and it's a wonderful feeling. Spending the first month of summer in New Orleans was honestly one of the best times of my life...I was surrounded by wonderful people and had some great experiences that just made me feel utterly...at home. But unfortunately that time had to end, and I had to return to Houston to make the necessary round of visiting the family I left behind...and coming back to it is just so strange.
I feel like a really dull and trapped version of myself. I feel like I am utterly contained by where I am. Sure, I have a car here and can go places but that still is under the approval and awareness of the parentals, since I am living with them. Now being back in this house made me realize a lot of things...I am still really dependent on my family...I don't like to admit that I am...but I am...most of my means of living still comes from them, even when I'm in New Orleans...but it's even moreso coming back here...it's like I'm that bored, jaded, confused kid that I was in high school...don't particularly enjoy that feeling...and I just don't like how I feel like I'm not me in this house. But I've tried to make compromise while I'm here without utterly destroying my already wavering psyche.
I spend a lot of time wandering...just wandering freely...finding new things...new people...making old things new...and I feel very limited here, because I have a comfort level in this house and in this city and challenging it...makes me anxious and...things are already weird here for me as is...I don't want to fuck up more what is already essentially fucked up.
But I've been trying to make the most of what I have. For the past two weeks, I've been working as a volunteer for this non-profit called The River Performing and Visual Arts Center, which is essentially an organization that provides affordable arts programs for kids, especially kids with disabilities. I started doing this four years ago as a mandatory requirement for my high school graduation, but I absolutely fell in love with the staff and the kids and the program...so I kept going back...and it really has kept me sane...because otherwise I would just be stuck at home being miserable and counting down the days till I go back to New Orleans (which I do anyways)...but I didn't want to do just that...so I actively sought out the opportunity to work there again, and they gave me it...and this next week will be the last week for their summer programs...so I'm sad...but it was a great experience as it always is, and I'm happy that I got the chance to do it.
Also, retail therapy is a wonderful thing...it's what gets me through my bored days. I also eat a lot. Which was expected when I came back to Houston...because those are the only things I really enjoy doing...anywhere, haha.
So all in all, I am making the best of what I can during the rest of my time in Houston, till I am free from the cage and jet back to New Orleans...we'll see what happens till then c:
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Why THIS trope?
Nathan Rabin coined the term "manic pixie dream girl" as a way to describe the sort of archetype character that Kirsten Dunst played in her role in Elizabethtown - a character that "exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures". Now obviously such characters, variations, and deconstructions of this type of character have existed way before this particular movie. But it created a perfect term to describe that sort of muse-like character: a beautiful free-spirit that brings a joie de vivre to the protagonist...with the character comes a lot of quirks that belie lots of psychological baggage which often deem her as an unsuitable "real" romantic partner for the male protagonist and is then tossed aside as a "lesson", much to the dismay of many feminist critics of the trope. But the trope actually varies a lot, if you think about it, and is comprised of some of the most recognizable characters in literature and film...from Daisy Buchannan in The Great Gatsby to Audrey Hepburn's portrayal of Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's to Summer in (500) Days of Summer...ALL GREAT CHARACTERS that are not as simple as what the trope simply subscribes (other variations of the trope include Serena van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl, Lolita, Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim, and almost every prominent female character in John Green's novels).
So aside from having a love of characters within this trope, why have an entire blog dedicated to it? Well for starters, this blog is not about manic pixie dream girls. This blog is about me.
Now what do manic pixie dream girls have to do with me? Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and a lot of...deconstructing certain areas of my life, and I've come to this conclusion...I live my life like a manic pixie dream girl...not even just a male variant of manic pixie dream girl...like legit, haha...I mean everyone is a character in their own story and as both a protagonist in my story and as a a participant in others, I play that kind of role. I try to live my life in a way that makes people happy by being outrageous and quirky and free and candid. The realization actually came after I read Paper Towns by John Green, and I utterly fell in love with Margo...and I just felt this affinity and empathy for her and how she dealt with her life. And after that I just found a lot of associations between me and the trope...and I did a lot of personal deconstruction of the trope itself and characters within the trope, finding more characters that fit the trope, elaborating on it...it was rather intense. Even the music that I've been listening to recently, which has consisted of mainly 2 artists, Lana del Rey and Marina & The Diamonds, who are both artists who approach the woman of glamour in different ways but still touching on the fundamental aspect of a woman who is attempting to be free - free from care, free from love, free from hate, free from judgment, free from ridicule, but is at the same time the object of all of those things by the media, the men who love them, etc. And that's what I feel the manic pixie dream girl is...a girl trying to be free in their own individual way with all eyes fixated on them...and that fixation can be oppressive.
And that's what I want to write about in this blog. The struggle to be free in an oppressive world of expectations and judgment and criticism, yet also the struggle of being in love and wanting and other metaphorical chains that can bind you....just the struggle of life. I'm writing about how I approach life, the situations in my life...even what I'm wearing when it all goes down. So basically I'm writing about anything...but it all comes together...because everything, I feel, comes back down to life and how we live it.
And this is how I choose to live mine. To live a life with love running manic.
Enjoy
<3
 |
| Kirsten Dunst as the inspiration for the term "manic pixie dream girl" in her role in Elizabethtown |
 |
| Zooey Deschanel is the "Trope Codifier" meaning she is exemplary for playing roles that fulfill this trope |
So aside from having a love of characters within this trope, why have an entire blog dedicated to it? Well for starters, this blog is not about manic pixie dream girls. This blog is about me.
 |
| ^ That is me. The one that this blog is about. Aren't I adorable ^ |
Now what do manic pixie dream girls have to do with me? Well, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and a lot of...deconstructing certain areas of my life, and I've come to this conclusion...I live my life like a manic pixie dream girl...not even just a male variant of manic pixie dream girl...like legit, haha...I mean everyone is a character in their own story and as both a protagonist in my story and as a a participant in others, I play that kind of role. I try to live my life in a way that makes people happy by being outrageous and quirky and free and candid. The realization actually came after I read Paper Towns by John Green, and I utterly fell in love with Margo...and I just felt this affinity and empathy for her and how she dealt with her life. And after that I just found a lot of associations between me and the trope...and I did a lot of personal deconstruction of the trope itself and characters within the trope, finding more characters that fit the trope, elaborating on it...it was rather intense. Even the music that I've been listening to recently, which has consisted of mainly 2 artists, Lana del Rey and Marina & The Diamonds, who are both artists who approach the woman of glamour in different ways but still touching on the fundamental aspect of a woman who is attempting to be free - free from care, free from love, free from hate, free from judgment, free from ridicule, but is at the same time the object of all of those things by the media, the men who love them, etc. And that's what I feel the manic pixie dream girl is...a girl trying to be free in their own individual way with all eyes fixated on them...and that fixation can be oppressive.
And that's what I want to write about in this blog. The struggle to be free in an oppressive world of expectations and judgment and criticism, yet also the struggle of being in love and wanting and other metaphorical chains that can bind you....just the struggle of life. I'm writing about how I approach life, the situations in my life...even what I'm wearing when it all goes down. So basically I'm writing about anything...but it all comes together...because everything, I feel, comes back down to life and how we live it.
And this is how I choose to live mine. To live a life with love running manic.
Enjoy
<3
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